you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
