..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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