Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
