i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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