Will you blow on my dice?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
