I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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