I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
