this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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