We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
