i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
