Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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