Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads