p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
