I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize