he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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