I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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