you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's rum buckets o'clock
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
