You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
