Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I sprained my soul last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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