My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
