i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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