in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
50% drunk capacity currently
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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