You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
