so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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