that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
