i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize