so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
