He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
