why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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