Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's shark week go big or go home
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
