I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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