how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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