When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
