u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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