The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
