Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
