i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
