Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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