I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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