the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
