Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
