well I can't set my house on fire every night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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