So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
