Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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