So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize