My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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