i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
