I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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