she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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