This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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