Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
