i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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