I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
