guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nutella sex= disaster
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
