He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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