You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
