What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
