Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
