man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
