Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
