my mouth tastes like poor choices
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
