so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
