im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is my gift to your gina
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
