rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
