I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
