1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
me + whiskey = a bad person
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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