Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
