i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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