WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
