you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
