He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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