Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
