Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Swine flu is the new snow day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it