My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season