So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.