I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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