I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
