I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.