You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
