I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
