I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
