he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
