Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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