when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
