Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
