We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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