I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
