Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
