Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
