i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize