I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
