At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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