i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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