i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
