Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
