K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
