So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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