wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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