I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
