smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How does one acquire holy water?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
