oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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