Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
